The Art of Saying, “No”
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Life is so busy and hectic these days. Many days can be spent rushing around, and I still find that it feels like I’ve accomplished nothing.
And just when you think things are crazy enough, something else comes up. An invitation, an event, another party. Or someone needs help with someone, yet again. Sometimes it seems like it never ends.
Often, it’s fine and it’s easy enough to fit in.
But what happens when it doesn’t? How do you cram more in to an already hectic schedule?
You can’t. Not usually without some drastic measures that could affect your health and possibly your mental state.
At some point you have to realise that you can’t do everything and over committing just causes extra stress and anxiety. And it can all lead to frustration and resentment.
So what do you do?
You have to learn the art of saying, “no.”
But for some people, it isn’t always as easy as that.
I always feel bad when I have had to say, “no” to someone. It would tear me apart for days sometimes. Occasionally, I’d still feel guilty after weeks.
Lately, my toddler is becoming quite fascinated with the word, “no.”
Anything you ask her to do, is met with a big “No!”
If you say “no” to her for doing something she isn’t supposed to, that little finger of hers gets pointed back at you with a “no, no, no, no.”
It got me thinking that as we become adults, saying “no” becomes difficult and often leaves us with a feeling of guilt.
So, why is this?
Toddlers and small children obviously have no problems with it, and definitely don’t seem to be expressing any guilt in doing so.
I hate feeling like I’ve let someone down. Because I couldn’t be who they needed. Couldn’t be what they expected.
And maybe there’s the problem. Spending so much time and energy worrying about what everyone else thinks.
But what about you? What do you need?
What’s the point spending your life worrying about making everyone else happy at the cost of your own?
I’m not suggesting never helping or doing anything for anyone else ever. But I do think you need to draw a line. Especially if helping the same people over and over again is taking over your life and leaving little left for you.
So how can you master the art of saying “no”?
Don’t over commit
If you have too much on, just say so.
Take time to think about it
How much do they need your help? Can it be done later when it’s more convenient for you if you’re busy?
Realise it isn’t personal
If they are important they should understand it isn’t about them, it’s just too much for you to handle right now.
Be honest with yourself
If you have too much on, or you really don’t want to, understand that saying, “yes” just isn’t an option or what’s best for you.
Don’t keep beating yourself up about it
Once you have made your decision, let it go. Don’t let the guilt eat away at you. You can only do so much.
Realise they probably aren’t as upset as you think
They may have a backup plan or have other people attending. They may not care or be as disappointed as you think. And if they are, it isn’t your responsibility.
If they don’t understand why you have to say, “no”, maybe you shouldn’t be helping them in the first place.
You’ll be much happier to help next time to help or attend when you aren’t feeling so overwhelmed, and you can enjoy it more.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for saying, “no”.
Have you mastered the art of saying, “no”? Do you find it difficult?
July 1, 2018 @ 3:39 pm
I really needed this! It is so hard for me as a people pleaser to say no. It becomes stressful and overwhelming. Love this post!
July 7, 2018 @ 10:07 am
I’m glad you found it useful. It can definitely be so hard to say no at times.
September 17, 2018 @ 3:22 pm
I really liked this post because I had to work on saying “NO”. It was definitely not easy but you provided some actionable steps we can take to master the art of saying “NO.” I liked the part where you said “be honest with yourself and realize it’s not personal.”
Thanks for sharing this important post!!!
Amira at ASelfGuru.com
September 19, 2018 @ 9:00 am
It can definitely be hard to start with, but it becomes easier. And you feel better when you can help someone without feeling stressed or because you feel obligated to.
September 19, 2018 @ 12:09 am
It is true, there is an art to saying no. I like the way you outline the important things to focus on to help you say no easily without feeling guilty. This is a mantra many moms need.
September 19, 2018 @ 9:05 am
Yes, we shouldn’t have to feel guilty for saying, “no”.
September 19, 2018 @ 10:52 am
I am still trying to “master” the art of saying no….? I am MUCH better than I used to be, but my problem is that once I commit to doing something, sometimes something better comes along and I am kicking myself that I am already committed to the less fun/valuable experience. I am not the type of person that breaks a commitment easily, so I follow through with the original plan. So, I am learning to try to look at events calendar, look at our family calendar, and to really be honest about whether an event or responsibility is a good fit for our lives now BEFORE I commit. Thanks for sharing.
September 21, 2018 @ 11:31 am
It takes time, doesn’t it? Sounds like a good plan.
September 19, 2018 @ 4:17 pm
This is a fantastic post. Saying “no” can be really hard for some people to do. I liked how you outlined ways to help yourself in saying no. Thanks for posting this!
September 21, 2018 @ 12:23 pm
Definitely hard for some people to do. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
September 21, 2018 @ 10:38 am
I liked this! Matter of fact, I turned down an invitation to a work happy hour planned for next week and was met with several confused looks. I thanked them for the invite and said I have a lot going on right now and not a good time. This was hard to do as I haven’t shared my blogging goals with others and I have an aunt out of town that is getting worse and trying to spend more time with, which is more important.
October 21, 2018 @ 9:40 pm
I love the actionable tips. I definitely have trouble saying no. I’m glad it’s not just me who spends hours or even days feeling guilty when I do say no! And you’re absolutely right, in most cases, the person won’t even care that much.
November 10, 2018 @ 2:16 pm
I’m a sensitive guy aswell so I keep it locked inside and I don’t like to hurt anyone so actually I struggle and I sometimes look down on myself when some people are so straight forward, sometimes I wish I was up straight but can’t find it!
November 10, 2018 @ 8:15 pm
So important! I have such a hard time saying no. Been working on it but it’s helpful to see how others are handling it.
November 14, 2018 @ 3:04 pm
In all honesty I struggled with saying No to my peers. At some point in my life I decided not to regret my decisions, and in order to make that happen I have to always do what I feel is right.
November 14, 2018 @ 3:12 pm
This a nice post, sometimes I find it difficult to say no to people I care. I have to work on myself on this.