Living With Anxiety
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Through a lot of my life, I always wondered why some things were so difficult for me and seemed so easy for everyone else.
I found it hard to talk to people, I couldn’t look at things at the shop or order food. Ringing people on the phone would make my heart pound and filled me with a sense of dread. Being around crowds of people felt stifling and overwhelming.
They were some of the few things I avoided at all costs.
Other people wouldn’t think twice about these sorts of things. So why was it so difficult for me?
What was wrong with me?
It wasn’t until my mid 20’s when after many years of working in a supermarket, that I found out what it was. I only had to work a few hours and I would end up being so dizzy the next day I could barely function. And even when I cut down working to two half days a week, I still ended up being dizzy for days after it.
I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t do anything.
I would spend most of the day lying down because every time I got up, my head would spin.
And just when I would start feeling better, I would be back at work and the whole cycle would start all over again.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Life sucked.
I went to the doctor to try and work out why this kept happening.
It was then I was told that I was suffering from depression and anxiety.
Living With Anxiety
It was the first time in a long time that a lot of my life began to make sense.
I knew that being at work was the main source of it. So I decided to take a month off and see if that made a difference.
Not only did it make a difference. It made a huge one.
I couldn’t believe the difference that month off made.
But when the month was up and I had to go back to work, the same thing started happening again.
I tried pushing through it for awhile longer, even though it was agony. But when the manager came to me and said I need to be more flexible and work more hours, that was the last straw for me.
I was barely coping as it was.
And I didn’t want to find out what would happen if I pushed myself further.
I knew I couldn’t stay anymore. It was effecting my entire life, to the point I wasn’t even sure I had one.
Ten years was too long to stay anyway. But it was all I knew.
It had been my comfort zone for that long that I was afraid to leave.
I didn’t think I could do any better.
It had become who I was. All I was.
Living with anxiety meant that I didn’t feel like I could try to be or do anything more. The thought of going for an interview had me terrified.
I was jealous of all the jobs that other people had, that even though I knew I could do it, I couldn’t face putting myself out there for possible rejection, and making me feel more like I had failed.
That’s one of the worst things about living with anxiety. Knowing you need to change things, but can’t because the unknown can be scary, and sometimes the only way to keep stable is to stay in your comfort zone.
But at the same time, that comfort zone can be stifling and sucking the life out of you.
I know for me, it did.
While I can look at that manger’s ultimatum as a bad thing, (pretty much work more whenever they wanted or leave) I choose to think of it as a good thing, because it finally gave me the nudge I needed to put that part of my life behind me.
I handed in my notice and I felt free.
That was almost eight years ago
Since then I’ve been married, had two kids and I’m in a much better place than I thought was possible all those years ago.
Having kids has made me stronger. In ways it made living with anxiety easier to deal with because I had to confront the things I was afraid to do. Even though it hasn’t always been easy.
Because I wasn’t just doing it for me. My son needed me to.
I had to ring to make appointments, and talk to other people at playgroups.
And the more I did things, they gradually became easier.
And I learned how to say, “no”.
By the time my daughter came, everything seemed so much easier.
These days, I don’t even have to think twice before picking up the phone when I need to ring someone.
That doesn’t mean my anxiety is gone.
There are times when it creeps up on me. And plenty of times when I wish it would just go away for good.
But I keep breathing and try to get through it.
Anxiety is there and probably always will be. But at least now I have some control over it.
I won’t let it take over my life anymore.
I like feeling free.
Are you living with anxiety? How do you cope with it?
For anyone needing help in Australia, check out Beyond Blue. There is great information and support.
May 23, 2018 @ 4:23 pm
Hi Candice!
I really resonated with your article and wanted to thank you for putting something as personal as dealing with anxiety out there. It helps others like me that deal with similar situations feel less alone, for sure. I didn’t know I had an anxiety problem until relatively recently and felt like a crazy person for years because things that appeared to be so normal for others around me, were just SO incredibly hard for ME to do. Through past jobs and situations in which I’ve practically forced myself to be more social, I’ve been able to learn how to “turn-on” the more social part of myself and expand my tolerance to the point that I’ve been able to gain more self-confidence and even start my own art business. However, I still hate things like talking on the phone and feel exhausted after being social for a certain amount of time! I love being alone and being in peace…. Thanks so much for putting this out there!
May 24, 2018 @ 11:23 am
You’re welcome. It definitely makes it easier to deal with when you realise you aren’t alone. Anyone who hasn’t dealt with it can’t seem to understand the difficulties you face every day. They don’t always mean to, but they can make you feel so much worse. Hearing what others have gone through has definitely helped me. Thanks for sharing yours.
October 7, 2018 @ 10:06 am
Im sorry about your issue with anxiety. I too have suffered with this monster for about 30 years along with debilitating depression. I have made it through and do well as long as I stay on task with my essential oils, physical activite and staying engaged. I have had enormous issues with the meds thus the essential oils
May 25, 2018 @ 1:12 am
Thank you for this post! I struggle greatly with anxiety, and you gave me so much hope today. The anxiety does get better as I face my fears. It is good to know that this was also true for you in starting a family. As a newlywed and want to start having children within a few years this is very comforting.
May 25, 2018 @ 11:25 am
You’re welcome. I’m glad it could help you. I think it’s easier to avoid the things that make us anxious whenever possible. But when you have kids, you can’t always avoid it. It does get easier, but that first hurdle is always the hardest. Good luck with everything and congratulations on your marriage.
June 14, 2018 @ 5:22 pm
Hi Candice. i appreciate you that you copped with anxiety. I also have experienced anxiety and still doing. I am going through this for ten years but not get any solution to recover from anxiety. i always think that how people can live normal like happy , no stress. I have become habitual of taking stress and live in anxiety. i don’t think there is any solution of my anxiety because i am in stress because of my married life and this thing will remain with me life long.
June 19, 2018 @ 10:38 am
Anxiety is something you will probably always have, but you can become better at managing and dealing with it. Recognising the triggers and acknowledging them. It can take time and perseverance. Have you seen a doctor about it? If not and you are struggling, maybe you should consult a doctor who can help or refer you to someone who can. You don’t have to let it rule your life. Good luck.
June 14, 2018 @ 2:26 pm
This is an excellent post. I recently discovered major anxiety issues that were workplace-related. When I was let go by that same job the relief was instant. I understand that freeing feeling that you describe.
June 19, 2018 @ 10:17 am
Thank you. It’s such a great feeling, isn’t it?
June 14, 2018 @ 2:29 pm
This is such a good post! Very brave of you to share your story! And I know you’ll help others with it too! 😉
xoxo Annaleid
June 19, 2018 @ 10:22 am
Thank you. It makes me feel better to know that someone has gotten something out of something I have shared.
June 14, 2018 @ 4:50 pm
I have bad anxiety too. No kids, personally, but having a pet has helped a LOT. It’s better for me in the long run when I have to make myself get up and get dressed because my little guy needs food and a walk.
June 19, 2018 @ 10:29 am
Whatever works and gives you the motivation you need. Pets have a lot of needs too. I’m glad you’ve found something that helps you.
June 15, 2018 @ 2:16 am
Candice,
Thank you for posting this. I think it’s hard to talk about anxiety sometimes because so many people misunderstand it. I too deal with anxiety and am managing the best I can by prayer, trusting in God, breathing techniques, and essential oils help me too. Anxiety can interfere in our lives so much and I admire your strength in coping.
June 19, 2018 @ 10:47 am
It can be hard to talk about, but the more it is talked about you can see that it is actually quite common, and there are so many people going through the same thing that you are. It is definitely hard for someone who hasn’t experienced anxiety to understand how hard and scary it can be. That’s why talking about it is so important. And it can definitely take over your life if you let it. I’m glad you have found things that have helped you. You are stronger than you think.
June 15, 2018 @ 3:07 am
Thanks for sharing this! I have social anxiety; it was debilitating when I was younger. I’ve learned to live with it (and accept it) so it doesn’t take over my life. I can really relate to your post. 🙂
June 19, 2018 @ 10:51 am
You’re welcome. It definitely helps when you can work through it and get to the point where it doesn’t control your life anymore.
July 29, 2018 @ 2:17 pm
It’s so good to see that your story didn’t end in the grocery store and that you were able to work through and push through your anxiety. Becoming a mom changes us in the very best ways! It is encouraging to see you grow stronger and that you are going to be able to pass that down to your children. They see their mom working through hard things and it is going to be worth it! Keep choosing to move forward every day! You are inspiring others!
August 1, 2018 @ 10:44 am
Thank you. Yes, being a mum definitely changes us and makes us realise how strong we actually are.
July 29, 2018 @ 10:36 pm
Very interesting and inspiring post! Thanks for sharing.
August 1, 2018 @ 10:45 am
Thank you
August 12, 2018 @ 12:40 am
I have a family member that deals with this and it’s so helpful to have articles like this to help educate and share this condition with others. Thank you!
August 23, 2018 @ 5:57 am
One of the hardest things about having anxiety is when people who have never experienced it just don’t understand which can make it much worse. It was definitely something I felt had to be shared. I’m glad you liked it.
August 12, 2018 @ 9:40 am
Great article , sensitively written …and it reasonates well..
August 23, 2018 @ 5:57 am
Thank you.
August 12, 2018 @ 10:37 am
I can understand what you’ve gone through very well. Sometimes we have to quit to grow- as one door closes another opens. Thank you for such an honest and inspiring post.
August 23, 2018 @ 6:00 am
You’re welcome.
August 22, 2018 @ 8:46 am
Thanks for sharing your experience, I was suffering from anxiety long back. But yes with the strong determination and presence of my loved ones I easily cope up with this. Sometime we seriously don’t know that we are suffering from anxiety and all and it becomes difficult to deal with it.
August 23, 2018 @ 6:04 am
Yes, people who understand and are there for you can make it much easier for you to deal with. I’m glad you had that support.
September 2, 2018 @ 1:41 pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences! I, too, suffer greatly from depression and anxiety and have been diagnosed with C-PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. On bad days, I take life minute by minuting using every single tool I’ve learned through therapy and trail and error. I’ve found that breathing techniques, walking or yoga, long drives, and writing really help me cope. On not so bad days, I use breathing techniques still because my heart rate is always a little higher than others and I’m pretty much constantly physically anxious.
I started blogging about mental health as another way to cope and to help others who suffer in similar ways.
We’re stronger together and you are not alone.
September 2, 2018 @ 9:22 am
I didn’t know that I have anxiety until I read the first paragraph of your article. I think because in third world country, depression and anxiety almost don’t exist because we laugh about everything. It helped when I kissed my banking job goodbye and started a life in Germany and little by little, overcoming depression and anxiety. Culture helps a lot. It’s good that you feel better and free now. From a person who has anxiety too, it is such a relief knowing that something can be done to overcome it. 🙂
September 8, 2018 @ 7:43 am
I had it for a long time before I knew what it was. I think there are probably a lot of people that out there that have anxiety and have no idea. Don’t be fooled by smiles and laughter, they can hide a lot of suffering – and often no one is the wiser. It can definitely be overcome, but it takes time, greater understanding and perseverance. I’m glad you are in a better place now.
September 2, 2018 @ 2:03 pm
I just recently starting dealing with my own anxiety. I have been doing yoga and on an anti-anxiety medication for about a month now. I was having anxiety so bad it was mimicking a heart attack. I wrote about this experience on my blog. I hope you check it out. Thank you for sharing your story. I think anxiety needs to be talked about so that we can be reminded that we aren’t alone.
September 6, 2018 @ 7:08 pm
Totally get it I was having massive issues with social anxiety but now I am very careful to stay around gentle people and have stronger boundaries. I am an introvert so I do better with more downtime for reflection, thinking and creating. bone broth teas and coffee and collagen by Great Lakes Gelatin – Collagen Hydrolysate from helps strengthen my nerves too. You seem like a gentle person I am glad you are doing better. I can’t think of a better place to live than the islands. Thanks for sharing your experiences it will help a lot of people. 🙂 Oh yes forgot green teas and Siberian rose tea is also an excellent nervous system builder. Siberian rose tea is high in vitamin C even helpful for schizophrenia sufferers however they still need to take their medication. 🙂
September 6, 2018 @ 6:22 pm
Thanks so much for sharing this! My brother has some of the same symptoms you have mentioned, but I can’t convince him to go to the doctor to get the help that he needs so that he can feel better. I’m going to share this post with him in the hopes that he understands he is not alone in feeling this way. Thanks again for being so open about this.
September 7, 2018 @ 5:14 am
Wow Candice, thanks so much for putting yourself out there. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It must have been absolutely terrifying & so frustrating for you.
Respect for sharing ?
September 8, 2018 @ 5:17 am
Thank you for your courage in sharing your story. I’ve had patients who struggle with anxiety and it is hard for them. Knowing that they are not alone is so helpful, especially when they see others working on standing up against their anxiety.
September 8, 2018 @ 12:15 pm
I live with bipolar depression and anxiety. Some days it is debilitating. I take meds (several) and they do not remedy much. Maybe it is the wrong cocktail? All I know is that you have to stay strong and know that anxiety will pass and better moments loom in the distance. Anxiety comes and goes.
September 30, 2018 @ 11:41 am
Very brave to share your story. Anxiety is terrifying. I’ve found with me it’s got alot easier since having children because they rely on me and I have no choice but to face it head on.
It’s always nice to know I’m not alone in feeling like this.
September 30, 2018 @ 1:24 pm
This was such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m so glad that you were able to find a way to control your anxiety!
September 30, 2018 @ 1:45 pm
I’ve always struggled with anxiety, but I feel it’s gotten worse the past couple of years. I’m taking steps toward managing it and am feeling better than I was 6 months ago. It’s always comforting to read others’ stories to see how they are moving forward and better controlling their anxiety; it makes it feel like it will one day be possible for me. Thanks for sharing.
October 7, 2018 @ 8:53 am
My sister in law suffers with anxiety and this has helped me to understand her andight even be able to help her more. Thank you ?
October 7, 2018 @ 12:20 pm
Hi! Love this. I write about anxiety and I will have to say that word was enough to get me anxious! When I had my child by anxiety increased! I have done a ton of work over the last year and really feel like that weight of worry is lifted! It’s such a heavy thing to carry around. Thanks for writing this! ❤️
October 7, 2018 @ 1:10 pm
This is a beautifully written post. It is so important that those of us that can, actually talk about these things. Too many people bottle up their feelings. I’m currently going through the same thing but a lot of it revolves around being a special needs mum to twins. My son has Autism with Demand Avoidance Traits (PDA) and has been out of school for a year. My daughter is dyslexic with undiagnosed ADHD. We have been fighting the system to get them help since they were 2 years old, they are now 12! It just all got too much. Anxiety and depression is nothing to be ashamed of and, by talking about it, hopefully more people will ask for help.
October 18, 2018 @ 7:52 am
Thankyou for be so vulnerable and opening up about your anxiety candice. It can mean so much to others ? I too suffer from depression/anxiety I take medication and exercise helps me a lot. Take care!
October 18, 2018 @ 12:08 pm
Thank you for sharing your story! I have struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression as well. I’ve felt so guilty for not being able to do what I’m “supposed” to do with my kids. I’ve been in counseling, which helps, and I recently started taking meds. I’m hoping it makes a difference.
October 18, 2018 @ 12:30 pm
This was like a flashback for me. In 2003, I suffered anxiety (although I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time) and depression so much that I ended up having to leave a job with a company that I really, really loved. I lost a marriage, a house, and any decent self-esteem in the process. With medication, exercise, and support of friends, it has become much more manageable. That critical stage–when it’s peaking and I’m lost in it–seems to have disappeared. I still have bouts of both anxiety and depression, but they’re far more manageable now.
Thank you for posting this. This rawness is what makes a blog worth reading.
October 22, 2018 @ 4:12 pm
Very good read. I live with anxiety, most months better than others. Helping my children understand is difficult bc I don’t want to overload them. Thank you for the information
October 22, 2018 @ 4:38 pm
Really great post and one that I relate to a great deal. Living with anxiety can be difficult but it’s nice to know that we’re not alone. Thanks for posting this.
October 31, 2018 @ 7:58 pm
Your post definitely resonates with me. I’ve been an anxious person pretty much all my life and like you I’ve had periods away from work (and school before that) because of it. I have a whole toolkit of things I use to manage it, but it can still be a bit of a battle at times! Glad to hear that you have also developed ways to keep it under control. Thanks for sharing your story.
November 15, 2018 @ 7:55 am
What a lovely story of overcoming. I was interested in when you finished with your job at the supermarket – you said you felt free. What did you do to earn an income after that?
November 15, 2018 @ 8:17 am
Wow, what an honest post! Thanks for sharing.
~
Bee
bitesnpieces.co
January 7, 2019 @ 2:43 pm
WOW! Your story is so similar to mine, only I’m still living it. I also work in a supermarket and my anxiety all started when I got back into retail after being out of it for over 10 years. Great post! This just clarifies that it is in fact my job that’s the main cause of my anxiety. Everything you described is me at this point in my life. I’ve cut down my hours at work also, because it’s just too suffocating and unbearable at times being there.
January 7, 2019 @ 4:25 pm
Thank you so much for sharing! You’re a brave soul. Our story sounds similar to yours. And you’re right, it’s a fine balance between proper self-care and using the beloved comfort zone as an excuse to not grow or change. But as we move forward, we find we’re able to cope better. It’s not that life gets easier – we just become stronger.